No pain, no saggy breast gains

Photo by CottonBro on Pexels

Saggy Boob Empowerment is the hottest trend, resulting in stronger, smarter, and more sensual women. We used to ‘get low’ in our 20s, but now it’s time to focus on keeping the boobs low in our 30s. Here at the Saggy Boob Brigade, a for-profit charity, we conducted multiple studies on feral turkeys and distilled this power into a simple measurement: BSI or Boob Sag Index. At a Level 2 BSI, women can spell BOOBS on their calculators with their eyes closed. At Level 10, the highest BSI, women are promoted faster at work, because their opinions and boobs carry…

You can’t choose your baby, but WE can

Photo by: Karolina Grabowska on Pexels

Influencers — Are your followers getting tired of seeing the same skincare routine? Are you entering the phase where everyone is asking “When are you going to have kids?” Do you want adorable Instagram photos without the burden of getting knocked up? At InstaBaby, it’s never been easier to rent a baby for content ideas. We have models for any vibe you’re trying to achieve so you can be your own Anne Geddes. Fill out our questionnaire to customize your order (down to its dimple depth!) and we’ll ship you a model…

Photo by: Kyle Burgess (@kunkyle)

On October 14, Kyle Burgess was craving validation outside his bachelor den after a long dry spell. That evening, Burgess went to his usual hunting ground, and that’s when he saw her. First, he saw the THICCC fur coat, then the claws, and then finally the entrancing stare.

Ready to pounce, he jogged over with unwavering confidence and asked,

“What’s a fine cougar like yourself doing alone? If you’re lucky, I can show you a good time.”

The cougar scoffed at his question and delivered some major side eye. Perplexed by the rejection, Burgess was faced with a dilemma: Does…

A middle-aged man’s quest for young love

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

Is your current dating pool aging out? Are you having trouble keeping up with all your fake social media profiles? Are you tired of translating your messages with Urban Dictionary? Hi, I’m Walter, and I’m here to share my struggles with dating Generation Z as a middle-aged man. If you’re anything like me, you stopped finding millennials attractive as soon as they started getting 401ks. I was once your leading expert in playing the field, but as soon as I turned my attention to 18+ Gen Z, they turned on me. …

Vicki Tran

Tech Consultant, Humor Writer, and Former College Mascot (HokieBird). Contributor to Slackjaw, The Belladonna, The Haven, and Funny-ish. For more: @itsvickitran

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